the absentminded professee

Perhaps I'm merely following the lead of Louisa May Alcott, but my loyalties lie with the main protagonist, Jo.  Jo is creative, adventurous, and cares deeply about those around her.  She knows her faults and tries to improve them in a way that seems much healthier than than the attitude we have about our imperfections these days.  Of course, I have to consider the fact that I've never forgiven Amy for setting Jo's manuscript on fire.   Never ever.  In fact, I still have an initial twinge of dislike when I see Kirsten Dunst in pictures or movies, just because she played the young Amy in the film version of Little Women.  

Who knows, maybe I would have been an Amy fan if she had been the main character.

Or one might say I've emerged from my chrysalis of many years and become what I've always wanted to be. (No, I'm not a butterfly now).
Actually, I've realized what I want to do with my life.  I want to be a happily dabbling artist who makes the world brighter with my creations.  This way, I can write, sew, bead, work with wood, quilt, crochet, weave baskets, photograph, draw, and do anything else that strikes my fancy for as long as it holds my interest without feeling guilty for moving to new projects.  I'll sell on etsy when I'm ready and then go from there.  In fact, I might even start a crafting blog.  I have even grander ideas for the future, but I'm keeping mum on that for now.

Honestly, I don't know why it took me so long to realize that my occupational desire is to make things.  I've been doing it all my life.  I suppose school made me devalue my joy in being an artist.  Being a successful student caused me to feel that I ought to utilize my intelligence in a more traditional sort of career (ugh, I don't like the way that sounds, but forgive me- It's 1:26 AM).  These past few years, my creative self has felt rather numb (as you might have noticed by the steep drop off in livejournaling).  However, in the past few months I've begun to feel more and more like myself.  Part of it is certainly due to the fact that Lyra doesn't need me to feed/hold her all day long anymore and I'm savoring that freedom.  Equally vital is the fact that I have started to make things on a regular basis.  I've also been forced to try new foods and figure out how to cook with them (thank you Two Small Farms CSA for the agretti).  And after reading half of The ASJA Guide to Freelance Writing I had a night such as this one in which my head turned into an idea rave.  Um...I'm not so sure that metaphor made sense to anybody but me, but again, I blame the hour.

I am brimming with creative energy. It almost makes up for the days I am so depressed I don't even care about food.
Oh my. Thank you LJ for autosaving drafts. I might have lost it otherwise.

Right.  So...I can't believe my baby is nearly one year old.  Has a year really gone by that quickly? It's amazing how much she's progressed.  These days she's preparing to take her first unassisted step and is signing new words every week.  I have a youtube video channel if you'd like to see how adorable she is: http://www.youtube.com/user/puckisid

Maybe now that I've expressed all of these feelings I'll finally be able to sleep.  I'm already flinching from the pain waking in the morning will bring.  *Edit* 3:32 AM and I'm still painfully awake.  I just tried lying in bed for half an hour and realized why I'm so jazzed.  Excedrin Migraine.  It took away my headache but apparently my tolerance for caffeine is really low.  Now that I think about it, that medicine has given me jitters in the past. *Sigh*

Now I'm cranky because it's far too late for me to be as awake as I am.  Both husband and babe are sleeping but I? No sleep for this one. Reason tells me that I should be able to lay down and shut my eyes and sleep will come.  Doing so has proved futile.

Often when roaming the stacks in libraries I am overwhelmed with the desire to read and read and read.  I've had fantasies about being able to stop time and read to my heart's content.  Oddly enough, in a way that sort of dream has come true in my life.  Work and school have been put off for the moment and so all of my reading is for pleasure.  As Lyra is becoming more mobile, my time for reading has decreased but I still have so much more time than I used to.  I've perused books on subjects as varied as Japanese baths, cooking legumes, sewing pillows, and using houseplants to purify the air in the home.

I've inhaled fiction. Some books were more satisfying than others. I'll attempt to list as many of these as I can remember. Wise Child by Monica Furlong, The Bookseller of Kabul by Asne Seierstad, On Beauty by Zadie Smith, Zahrah the Windseeker by Nnedi Okorafor-Mbachu, Farenheit 451 by Ray Bradbury, Singer in the Snow by Louise Marley, Bless Me Ultima by Rudolfo Anaya, Fairest by Gail Carson Levine, The Stone Goddess by Minfong Ho Does My Head Look Big in This? by Randa Abdel-Fattah, Od Magic by Patricia McKillip, and everything Chrestomanci (Diana Wynne Jones).  Also, there are so many excellent graphic novels these days: Aya by Marguerite Abouet, Castle Waiting by Linda Medley, The Rabbi's Cat by Joann Sfar. 

I woke up too early and am terribly cross because of it. Back in the day seven hours of sleep was ample but these days it seems I need about nine in order to function well.  So I went to the kitchen to get cereal and realized I couldn't stand the mess (per usual in the morning).  For some reason, when I do dishes in the morning, I tend to get really ticked off at my husband for stupid things (like finding that he put something in the dishwasher that really doesn't belong).  Meh.

Lyra bit through her lip yesterday due to pitching forward and hitting her mouth on the sink while I was holding her. So I not only had to deal with the agony of hearing her scream in pain and seeing blood gushing from her mouth, but also the guilt of feeling that I could have prevented it if I only held her more securely. I know these things happen to all children but it's still a really awful thing to go through. She calmed down more quickly than I expected (that infant Tylenol certainly takes effect rapidly).  We went to the emergency room even though there isn't much one can do for mouth wounds. I was relieved when the doctor deemed her fine.  I guess the hardest thing now will be keeping her from chewing on hard objects until her mouth and gums heal.

Otherwise, Lyra is doing quite well. She crawls so fast that it takes me by surprise sometimes.  I've seen her stand without holding on to anything, but she doesn't seem confident in her ability to do so.  Once she realizes she's doing it, she squats down slowly until she feels safe again.  (BTW, Livejournal's built in spell check doesn't like contractions at all.)  Lyra cruises around the furniture with ease and loves to walk when we're holding her hands. She's also finally producing some sign language (milk, more, eat, potty, hungry, and maybe book). The shows Signing Time and Baby Signing Time are excellent tools and I recommend them to anyone considering signing with a baby.  I think they've helped with her vocalizations as well. She actually says more now, along with mama and dada and ball and shoes.  Personally, I think that I've heard her say other things as well but it's hard not to chalk it up to maternal pride. :D

Sigh. There she is, calling out for me. Sometimes it seems like the lyric from Cinderella: every time she'd find a minute that's the time that they begin it.  Still, I wouldn't have it any other way.

It's strange, the way I've changed in the past year. I'm doing all sorts of things I never imagined doing, and I've had to adjust the way I think. That sounds so vague. I'll try to explain. Perhaps using lists would work.

Things I am doing that I never expected to do

• Participating in a CSA (community supported agriculture), receiving a lot of vegetables I've never eaten before, cooking the vegetables and even enjoying most of them. :D
• Practicing elimination communication with my baby, which basically means I try to read her signals for needing to go potty and put her on a potty before she wets her diaper. It's more about the communication between us than the success of "catching the pee", so we're doing pretty well.
• Preparing (I'm using a lot of P words, aren't I?) to create my first quilt. I never had any interest in quilting before going to a quilt show with my mother in law. Some quilts are truly works of art.
• Taking the initiative in making friends.  This one may seem silly, but I'm usually one of those people who will only say hi to you if you say hi first.
  
• Making my own bread twice a week, thanks to the lovely bread machine we bought while I was pregnant.

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Lyra has learned how to crawl and how to pull herself up.  Whenever I'm in the kitchen and put her down in the living room to play with her toys, it's only a matter of time before I see her head poking around the corner.  Sometimes I find it endearing, other times annoying. Still, putting her in a cage isn't my parenting style, so when she demonstrates that she is just trying to be with me and I'm going to be in the kitchen a long time, I put her in her sling or moby wrap.

Also, we introduced her to a few sign language signs about a month ago and have been trying to use them ever since. In the past week or so, I picked up a couple of Signing Time DVDs from the library. They're designed for babies and young children, and Lyra just loves them!  Sometimes when we're hanging out in the living room with the TV off, she'll look at the TV and stretch out her arms and move her fingers.   Alex and I were confused about what that, but I figured it out yesterday when I turned on Signing Time.  As soon as the theme song came on, she started doing it again. It's beyond adorable!  As far as signing goes, I think she's tried to do "milk" but it's hard to tell.

I'm a generally hunky-dory kind of gal, but lately I've been under the weather. It's probably some hormonal imbalance, but when one's feeling down, theorizing about the reasons doesn't seem to help.

But I just remembered the website that never fails to make me chuckle: www.engrish.com
In fact, I'd even venture to say that the worse I feel, the harder I laugh when I visit that site.

And yet, not at all like the real life version.

I woke up from a dream about a Monterey I've been to before, many times. I used to walk down from the Presidio and visit shops and restaurants and cafes with my friends. Many of the places I loved had closed and were taken up by new businesses.

I could be talking about the actual Monterey, as that is certainly the case (oh, my sweet Cafe Ariana, I miss thee). However, the Monterey in my dreams had different streets, a slightly different layout, different stores- even an indoor mall.

It's interesting. I know I've had Places like that in dreams before. They're areas I visit again and again because they have an important place in my memory, but they often barely resemble the ones in the waking world.

Perhaps this is what Marion Zimmer Bradley describes in her Overworld.

I think cereal is what got me through my pregnancy, nutrition wise. It seems I'm forever trying new ones out. Usually they're mediocre at best. But recently I've found some new cereals that knock my socks off.

1)Cinna Bunnies. They're organic and made by Annie's Homegrown. Sure, it's technically a kids cereal but they're so yummy. The cereal kind of has the texture of puffy cheetos (without the fuzzy exterior) and the taste is a light cinnamon sweetness. Try it! Also, I recommend Annie's white cheddar bunnies. They're like Goldfish but presumably healthier.

2)Kashi Cocoa Beach granola. I only just found it in the grocery store this week and it isn't even on their website yet, but-- YUM! What fantastic granola! The cocoa flavoring reminds me of Coco puffs or Cocoa Krispies, but the cereal has so much more substance. I think the box was supposed to have seven servings but between my husband and I, there were only four. To top it off, one normal sized serving has a whopping 27% of the recommended daily amount of fiber.

Anyone have any cereal recommendations for me?

...between me, my baby, and my hair.

I look at her and smile with love, and she gazes at my hair and smiles for two minutes straight.

I talk to her, and she glances at me but goes back to my hair.

She's done wonders for my self esteem regarding my wildly curly mop. Still, I have to wonder if she only loves me for my hair. lol!

Alex and I were talking over this upcoming week's meals and I was getting overwhelmed about finding enough good recipes to make. Then we considered how much food we already have in our pantry and freezer. Surely it makes more sense to use what we already have than buying hundreds of dollars worth of groceries every month. So this week will be interesting: I'll either make simple meals that don't need recipes or I'll use the ingredient search feature of Allrecipes.com

Then we went and still spent a good amount of money on food at Target. However, it was mostly prepared food and organic cereal and such. The frozen food is for when the little one is born. Most likely the AF's family support group here will bring by meals for us for the first week, but it's good to have a backup.

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Interestingly enough, while we were out, we heard about a contract a husband and wife made: no buying new consumer items for an entire year. Food and sundries such as underwear and socks and kitty litter don't count. Anything else they need/want, they would buy used. The radio show didn't say how it panned out, but it's an interesting concept and one that caught our imaginations.

This past month I've been cleaning our house and while we don't have an overwhelming amount of stuff, we have enough. I have fully two-thirds of my clothes put away (as I can't exactly wear them right now), and it's amazing how much I still have to wear. And this is after pruning my wardrobe occasionally and giving away clothes that I no longer need/want.

Here's a link to the story if you're interested: http://marketplace.publicradio.org/display/web/2007/10/26/a_year_without_shopping/

Seeing as Alex and I already have to change the way we spend money due to the fact that there will be one extra family member and one less income, this might not be a bad time to try such a thing.

Of course, we'd make exceptions: birthdays and Christmas and items that should be new for safety reasons (like a new car seat), new jeans and shoes, etc.

Besides, e-bay can be a lot of fun. :)

My thoughts and prayers go out to all of you affected by the California wildfires. My sister Melissa (who just had her baby three days ago) and her husband have had to evacuate their house in Camp Pendleton. Fortunately, the firefighters are making some headway so they don't have to leave the area entirely.

Isn't it insane that some of the fires were set by people? I can't imagine how heartless one would be to do such a thing.

I love parts of Josh Groban's "When You Say You Love Me." The lyrics are sweet and musically it gives me thrills- up until the point where he starts singing the chorus. The chorus and bridge are awfully cheesy and ruin the song for me.

Are there any songs you feel that way about?

The other night as I was trying to fall asleep (unsuccessfully due to the non-stop exercise the baby was getting), my husband put his hand on my belly to see what all the fuss was about. After a few moments, he noted that she seemed to be moving in a definite pattern. The rhythm was too quick for hiccups, and far too quick for her to be reacting to the music we had playing (XM's Audio Visions station which is generally new age-y). Then it occured to me to check my pulse.

Sure enough, she was moving to the beat of my heart. :D

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Alex and I took a week long vacation and visited my parents and Washington DC and old friends and various extended family members. DC was a pretty awesome experience, as I've only been there a couple of times previously (since babyhood). We sat in a session of the Senate while members debated the SCHIP bill. Unfortunately, it seemed that only the people who were speaking or were about to speak were there. Only a handful of Senators were in the room at any given time during the hour or so that we stayed.

We also visited a few of the Smithsonian museums: Air and Space (which I found somewhat dull- perhaps since I've been to such museums since early childhood), National Museum of the Native American (which is gorgeous, makes quite an impact, and has an excellent cafeteria featuring Native American foods from all over North and South America), and the Museum of Natural History.
A wonderful surprise was the peaceful setting of the National Arboretum, which was beyond beautiful. My favorite place was the Library of Congress. I had no idea it was so beautiful! All of those mosaics and tiled floors and painted ceilings were amazing- not to mention the fact that it's a home for books. :)

Since it was our 3rd anniversary, we celebrated by going to a play at the Shakespeare theater: The Taming of the Shrew. While the production was fantastic, I didn't care much for the story, especially the ending. While Katherine had her flaws, Petruchio was far worse. I'm glad my Alex is nothing like him.

Walking became tiresome after the first few days. So did waiting for the Metro the handful of times it was delayed. I'm glad it was autumn at least- being in my third trimester and walking around day after day would have been hellish during August.

Some other things we did during the trip: Busch Gardens in Williamsburg (what a money machine!), Jamestown Settlement, Dave and Busters with friends (not as much fun when one can't drink), and Medieval Times (good fun!).

I only took pictures of Jamestown and the Arboretum though, because my camera is too large to carry except around the neck and we didn't really want to scream out the fact that we were tourists. I suppose it's time for a new camera. :)

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I've finally gotten into the groove of being at home. It's not quite been a month since my last day of work in the Air Force, but I can definitely feel the difference it's made. I'm much more mellow, and ever so much happier. My creativity is beginning to come back and I have the energy to let my nesting phase play out as it will. Cooking is actually fun again (most nights), and I baked peanut butter cookies the other day. They aren't my favorite, but I thought I'd give it a shot as I haven't had them in years and Alex enjoys them.

Speaking of the nesting phase, mine is apparently in full swing. This means my house is a mess, as I'm finally getting around to unpacking boxes that have been in closets since we moved in January. However, the house is feeling much more homey, since we're finally hanging things on the walls. I have to get the house tidied by Friday though, as Saturday is my baby shower and my house was the only one big enough (and animal-free enough) to comfortably have the party. I expect it will be enjoyable. I miss seeing a lot of my friends on a nearly daily basis. That's the one downfall of not going into work.

but here i am, still in existence.

Gee, Christina, you've been kind of scarce on the internet for quite a while.
Yes. I suppose I have.
But it isn't just the internet. I don't exchange e-mails but once in a blue moon, I created a myspace account but don't care much for it and so only log in once every couple of months, and I rarely talk on the phone except to family.

It's odd, how little I've felt like even talking.

It's odd, how much I've distanced myself from nearly everything I once loved to do.

Surely everyone goes through these periods of cocooning. Sometimes people change gradually, but other times it's bigger process.

I don't know.

It's only fitting that I should begin unfurling as my life itself changes drastically.
In September I'll be leaving the Air Force.
In November, I'll be welcoming a new life to this chaotic, beautiful, ugly world.
Maybe we'll be able to move from this still-alien city in the next year. God willing.

Given the nature of 2D ultrasounds, we are expecting a little girl, but cannot be completely sure. And we've only just begun to seriously narrow down names.

Ah, here comes the thunder. Even if there are rarely rainbows in this place, there are some fantastic thunderstorms.

I'm sure there are other things I wanted to write. I think I'm getting a glimpse of what old age will be like, with the pregnancy forgetfulness added to my already absent-minded nature. At least Alex takes it well.

Why do people complain about people on welfare when the federal minimum wage is $5.15 an hour? The annual salary is $10,712, which is INSANELY low, quite below the poverty line. Think about it. What does $5.15 get you? A value meal at a fast food place. 1-2 gallons of gas, depending on where you live. Maybe half a gallon of milk and a bag of bread, but that's cutting it close. A bottle of tylenol. A cheap car wash. A matinee ticket at a movie. Parking downtown.

Many government jobs have wages tied to the cost of living index. The minimum wage should be as well.


Also...why do people complain about abortion and teenage pregnancy but refuse to support birth control and sex education? Why do people think they need to have control over other people's contraception choices anyway? Or anything even related to it? A few months ago I wanted to buy a pregnancy test from my grocery store, but couldn't find any. I was told I had to go to the front office to do so. WTF? I'm MARRIED and trying for a baby and don't want to have to defend myself just to be able to purchase something that measures a hormone in urine. For GOODNESS SAKES.

Anyway, an interesting article I read the other day:

"School-Based Health Centers and the Decline in Black Teen Fertility During the 1990s in Denver, Colorado," American Journal of Public Health: Sue Ricketts and Bruce Guernsey of the Colorado Department of Public Health and Environment examined the link between Colorado's decreasing fertility rates among black teenagers in the 1990s and the state's development of school-based health centers, which promote healthy behaviors while offering several types of health care (Huggins, Reuters U.K., 9/14). The researchers found that adolescent fertility rates among black students in Denver high school areas with school-based health centers declined from 165 births per 1,000 black students in 1992 to 38 births per 1,000 black students in 1997. Fertility rates in areas without school-based health centers also declined over the study period, but the rate of decline in the areas with school-based health centers was 77%, compared with 55% in those without centers, according to the study. Ricketts and Guernsey write that the "rapid and significant decline" in black adolescent fertility in areas with school-based health centers "strongly suggests that attending to the health needs of students at risk of pregnancy resulted in a radically lowered risk of fertility. The decline is likely the result of strategies to identify, intervene and follow-up on students engaging in behaviors that place them at risk for unintended pregnancy" (Ricketts/Guernsey, American Journal of Public Health, September 2006).

I love Colorado. I really love Denver Public Schools. It seems to be one of the most progressive school systems in the country, and I know I personally benefitted from my years there.

Rudimentaries is not a real word, though it is used quite frequently.

The proper word is rudiments.




Also, a twist on the golden rule that I wish EVERYONE IN THE WORLD would consider is "Judge others the way you would like to be judged."

It seems to me that a lot of finger pointing would stop. And people wouldn't blame teenagers for an old man sexually harassing (and doing much more) them. And people would stop blaming women for getting raped (and then killing them afterwards for shaming their families by doing so, as is STILL done in some countries).


Love one another. Nobody is better than anybody else by nature. "Civilized" society very often isn't. There should be more Don Quixotes in the world.

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Working 12 hour shifts is kicking my butt so I haven't been online much at all lately as far as social things go. It probably won't get much better, now that I've started school. I do miss ljing though. And I miss reading your journals and such.

I love, heart, adore, etc. Honey and Clover. It's an anime based on a manga series designed to appeal to young women and such, but is so well done that my husband enjoys it as well. It makes me laugh and cry quite frequently,though not in equal measure, thank God. And the art is beyond gorgeous.

Anyway, they made a second season! I'm sooooo happy because there was more story but the manga hadn't been finished. The new episodes are just as good. I really recommend it.

Oy. I'm still in the midst of ripping my CD collection to my new hard drive, and have encountered the quandry of 'N Sync as a band name. I thought that was in the past, but apparently not. Anyway, of the four store-bought CDs I've uploaded, each of them was entered into the CDDB database with a different group name.

Meh.

Sometimes I used to capitalize all the letters, as they were supposedly an acryonym. Except with last letters. And Lance's name had to be changed to Lansten of all things for it to fit.

Those were the days. :)

sometimes i feel like my brain is a closet with no shelves. everything gets tossed in and jumbled up and as a result, it takes a long time to find things I need, such as words.

it's thundering like mad here. i suspect power will go out tonight.

we went to the gym today and got a taste of what having a personal trainer would be like. my legs feel like jelly even though we only did 15 minutes of legwork. however, i decided to pay for 1 session a week. my bmi is far too high, and i want to decrease it before i get pregnant.

did i mention that i stopped taking birth control?