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curlicue

The neverending battle within...

Posted on 2012.05.25 at 15:26
Current Mood: blahblah
Tags: , , , ,
There are two aspects of my inner being that are constantly at war for dominance. No, they are not an angel and demon sitting on my shoulders. Rather, they are forceful expressions of my personality that cause me to constantly second guess myself.

One: cheerful, constantly striving to be better, kinder, more thoughtful, more knowledgeable. Friendly and chatty. Optimistic to the point of having unrealistic ideas of what can actually be accomplished due to the restraints of time, energy, and outside interruptions. Curious. Silly. Full of energy, full of ideas.

And the Other: quick to anger, full of fury over wrongs on the individual, institutional, and global levels. Pessimistic. Morose. Melancholy. Full of criticism. Self recriminating. Sure that I'm failing my family and friends and not doing enough. Concerned about not doing things right. All or nothing attitude. Reclusive.

To further confuse matters, ailments of body and brain (Fibromyalgia and ADD) add to the mix:
Forgetful. Exhausted. Losing words in the middle of a sentence while speaking. Losing thoughts before they're fully formed. Pain. Pain. Pain. No energy to do the things I need to to. Unreliable memory in regards to remembering the things I need to do. (Note: If I ever say I will do something for you or find something for you or send something to you, please send me a message in writing to remind me. Otherwise, a week, month, or year might pass before I remember. If I remember).

It's a good thing the peppy side usually wins, else I'd have to change my name to Eeyore.

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